


Sing Me A Song

by Kirimari46



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:06:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28876917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirimari46/pseuds/Kirimari46
Summary: After he enrolled in college, things started to change for Bokuto. Accidentally, along the way, he might have chosen the darkness over light. Until, one day, a ray of hope lit his whole life. He had to be careful, though, as Aika Endo might blind him.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	1. What the FUCK

Someone once told Bokuto that there were two sides to life. Years later, when he looked in the mirror, he questioned himself on what side he was on. The helplessness that came with his silent disease sent him into darker corners those days. His head had become his own personal hell. Constantly tired of his own words and actions. He would rather feed the birds than play volleyball if he were to be honest.

If there were two sides to life, Bokuto might have chosen darkness over light at some point.

It was too cold to do anything. He prefered the warmer weather. His hands were always cold, it didn't matter how much he rubbed them together or how deep he buried them in his pockets. The days had been grey and rainy. That morning, the weather cast predicted snow for the following week.

After classes, the dorm halls were always packed. But all he could hear was the buzzing noises in his ears, as his own thoughts gulfed him. He should be at practice with his team, but he barely had the energy to drag his feet to his dorm. His friends were worried about him lately. Everytime he excused himself from practice earlier, they asked him a million questions he didn't know how to answer.

Accidentally, he had chosen darkness over light. It was always worse in the winter time. It was worse when the streets lit up with golden lights and were filled with festive music. There was no meaning to anything anymore.

As he approached the door to his room, he started to pat the pockets of his jacket. Then, the back pockets of his jeans. The possibility crossed his mind, but he would check everything before he decided to go back. He searched his backpack through and through and emptied it of his belongings. He shook the empty bag. He jumped up and down. No signal of his keys. As Bokuto massaged his temples, he let out a heavy sigh. He had to go back and ask Sakusa for his keys.

He shoved his belongings spreaded on the floor back to his bag and glared at the busy corridor. He had to go through all those people once again. He sighed again and started to make his way towards the exit. What a mess of people.

As he slithered through the countless bodies that filled the narrow walls, the clouds parted outside the glass window. A clear ray of light crossed the hall. That's when he saw her. His feet were glued to the floor the moment he recognized the dusty yellow eyes that so beautifully contrasted with her medium dark skin. When her long curly hair received the sunlight, the magenta tones became prominent. Aika Endo, his highschool sweetheart.

It didn't take the girl too long to lock her gaze into a staring Bokuto. He was also one to stand out with his height and white and black strands of spiky hair. Her face lit up in recognition. In her eyes there was a glint of nostalgia and sadness. Her face broke from her usual cold and distant expression and opened a genuine smile, for him only. Her cheeks showed the rush of emotions she was clinging onto. Bokuto's faint heart skipped a beat. As his eyes widened at the way the clouds parted to lighten her best features, he couldn't help but ask himself why the hell she wasn't in his life anymore.

"Koutarou, long time no see."

Her voice was a tune for his ears. An answer to his prayers. It was hard not to think of all the songs she once sang to him.

"Hey, Aika," he would've liked if his voice came out as energized as it used to. "I didn't know you were on campus. Are you lost?"

"Sort of. I'm trying to find my friend's boyfriend's dorm. This building is a mess, though."

"Tell me about it. It's always so noisy."

Aika raised a brow.

"You're not one to complain about noise. Normally you're the origin of it."

A weak laugh escaped Bokuto's lips.

"It's just harder to sleep. That's all." he then chose to change the subject. "I'm curious, what's your major?"

"I'm studying performative arts now. The department is so far away from the campus center, barely anyone knows we even exist." Aika crossed her arm over her chest. "I imagine you're enjoying your sports scholarship."

He wanted to smile at her. It used to come to him easier, especially when the topic was volleyball.

"Yeah-"

"Aika!" another voice interjected their conversation.

A girl a few doors over waved in their direction. Her arm laced around some dude.

"I have to leave. Maybe we'll see each other more often."

It sounded like a promise, but Bokuto knew better than to get his hopes up when it came to Aika.

"Sure thing."

Aika passed him and his eyes lingered on her figure. Either she got taller or Bokuto got used to his hunched shoulders.

In all the helplessness, Aika surged like a song he hasn't heard in a long time. He was tired of listening to his own words, but her voice was like honey. He wanted to hear her sing to him again. He missed those private concerts. Maybe she was what he needed to get some light and whisk away all the darkness in his mind.

In his highschool years, there were many eyebrows raised when himself and Aika walked in the hallways wrapped in each other or when they held hands. Some said they were the complete opposite. The energetic and loud extrovert was dating the silent and arrogant girl without many friends. He never thought of them as an odd pairing. They could rely on each other, they were both ambitious and drove the other forward on their goals. In the end, that's what got them separated. Aika went to a college on the other side of Japan to study finances and he stayed not too far from home to pursue his volleyball career. She wanted to explore more of the world one city at a time. She would visit the foreign countries after that. Or so she said. However, two and a half years later, there she was. So close to him. Yet, so far away.

***

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend in high school!" Atsumu turned around on the couch to face Bokuto.

"I think I remember her! She came to the Nationals in your senior year, didn't she?" Hinata questioned.

"Yup, that's the one!" Bokuto sat on the edge of the couch, next to Sakusa. "But we broke up after Nationals. She enrolled in a college on the other side of the country and well, long distance relationships are too hard." he took a gulp of his can of Monster.

"But she's here now!" Atsumu exclaimed.

"And?"

"Talk to her!"

"I did!" Bokuto yelled back.

"Not small talk, yer idiot! Ask her on a date of something!"

"Do you have to yell? You are on opposite sides of the couch, not on opposite sides of campus." Sakusa sighed.

It's not like Bokuto hadn't thought of it. However, things were more complicated than that. Promises were made and words were said. Those promises were to be kept, but what would happen if Bokuto chased after that nostalgia?

"I don't know..." Bokuto stared at the tv screen. "Isn't it awkward now?"

The cringe on Atsumu's face was visible from miles away.

"Since when are you a pussy, Bokuto?"

"Fuck off!"

"He's right, though!" Hinata chimed in. "You have to at least try!"

Bokuto furrowed his brows.

"You don't lose anything in trying." Sakusa commented.

"Not you too!" Bokuto pleaded.

"Text her now!" Atsumu suggested.

"I'm not texting her now. It's too soon."

"That means you will?"

"I'll… think about it."

"Do it yer pussy!"

"Go piss someone else." Bokuto stoke out his tongue and pulled his lower eyelid.

The question in his mind was, would she still tell him to stay? Perhaps it was a lost cause after all that time. Things used to be simpler. Bokuto was getting tired, he missed those simple days. Something or someone he could rely on. He liked it. A lot.

Hinata's booming voice interrupted his train of thought,

"Guys, look!" his junior jumped off the couch and ran to the glass window. "It's finally snowing! Oh no-"

"What the fuck!" a disembodied voice reached inside the room from outside.

"That weird guy went outside! Barefooted!"

"No way!" Atsumu exclaimed in disbelief.

The three guys jumped off the couch at the same time and rushed to the window. When Bokuto got a peek, there he was. The random dude they had been tracking ever since they moved to the dorms. None of them knew his name, he was like a mystical figure among the group. He would appear in some odd situation, never with the right attire. Like he lived in a dimension of his own and forgot he was actually living a life on Earth with the rest of them. Always out of the loop. It was entertaining to keep up with his antics. Better than most shows on cable television.

On that day, as the snow covered up the streets, the legend, completely unaware of his surroundings, stepped outside, indeed barefooted. With a trash bag in hand, he skipped back to the cement floor and inside the building where it was warmer.

The group hunched over themselves in laughter. It didn't matter how much time passed, they never got enough of that guy's strange demeanor. One the simple thing Bokuto could rely on for a good laugh.

***

A/N:

Hello everyone! This is my new fic about a very depressed college Bokuto that is desperately trying to reach for the light. This is going to be a shorter fic than my usual stories and it's going to focus more on Bokuto's condition and his relationship with Aika more than volleyball or the other Haikyuu characters.

Also, I haven't read the Haikyuu manga. I know some things from the time skips, like who went to college with who, for example, or most of the characters future jobs, but I only know general stuff. For this reason, if you could not spoil it even more for me, I would really appreaciate it!

The story will be kind of depressing, but it will have it's more lighter moments. As I've stated, Bokuto's disease is a silent one, not even he is sure what is wrong with him. Many of the things Bokuto is feeling will be based on my own experience, I will change some things though, for the sake of the story line. For a long time I wasn't able to put into words what was it that I was experiecing either (I still struggle with this, tbh), and since Bokuto is such a lively, energetic and optimistic character, I would imagine this would confuse him as well.

Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy the fic. I have no idea when the next chapter will be posted. Meanwhile, remember to stay home and wear a mask!


	2. I dream about this!

The walk to the bar was familiar to the group. It was the best way to de-stress from college and practice. By the number of people that frequented the bar on a daily basis, one would assume the whole campus agreed with the previous statement. Bokuto spotted the same faces that were in his eight am class that same morning, dressed in normal clothes instead of joggers and sweaters, as they danced the night away and drank away their problems.

The rules for those with a sports scholarship were stricter. They could lead the same life as everyone else, just not over do it. Or get caught.

First things first, they all needed a round of shots to get warmed up. The burning sensation clinged on his throat for a few seconds before it faded. Not after long, Atsumu was ordering the second round.

Bokuto scanned the filled venue. He browsed the faces on the dance floor and those who were in groups by the tables. Those were the faces of the ones that killed their dreams and hopes while having fun. Bokuto was still unknown as to where he standed himself.

With the knowledge that she was on the same campus as himself, it brought in him the hope to run into her at any given moment. He wanted to see her. After the group emptied their second glass, they howled, barely audible in comparison to the loud music.

"Bokuto is on the hunt." Atsumu faked a whisper so the whole group could hear.

"Are you looking for that girl?" Sakusa turned to where Bokuto had been glancing.

"Guess I am."

"I think she found you first. Isn't that her?" Hinata pointed to the dance floor.

Like an answer to his prayers, too wonderful to be true. The heart pounded inside his chest as his eyes browsed her skin from a distance. Her eyes called him.

"What are you waiting for? Go dance with her!" Atsumu gave his friend a push.

Bokuto stumbled, but quickly regained balance and picked up the pace as he made his way to Aika. Her eyes followed his every step. He asked to join her. She smiled and grabbed his hand. Their bodies moved with fluidity when they were together. A rush every time their skins rubbed against each other. Bokuto was still aware of it. How much in love he was with the shape of her body. The thrill of their relationship in those two years of push and pull. He couldn't get enough of it. He never wanted to break up with her, but they fell victim to the circumstances.

That night, he needed her more than ever. Selfshilly, he wanted Aika to save him from the darkness. Shamelessly, she admitted Bokuto drove her wild. The honesty in her eyes made him crash his lips into hers.

That night, his room smelled like her. Would that count as their second first date? Even though it wasn't planned, Bokuto liked to call it that. It gave him hope, a brim of light in the midst of the darkness of his mind.

The following morning, there was only the clinging heat from her body next to him. As he reached for his phone, it unlocked on his notes app. A message that left him with a silly smile.

"I had class and didn't want to wake you up. Text me when you read this."

The ecstasy in his body made him jump from the bed and open the heavy curtains to let the bright sun shine on the walls of his room. Everything around him was covered with something he recognized, familiar and warm. Filled with light. The traces of her. He wanted her back. Officially.

***

Everything was ready. Bokuto barely believed it to be real. When he invited Aika to spend the weekend in their hometown together, he didn't expect her to say yes so quickly. He was sure it would take more convincing. Maybe it would work, maybe it was that simple.

He took one last glance at the mirror and brushed his fingers through his spiky hair. The bags under his eyes were a common thing lately. He learned to just accept them as part of his face. It wasn't his fault if he would not shut eye until high hours of the night. Or if college was wearing him out. Those dark circles were basically part of the college student starter pack.

With a backpack on his shoulders, Bokuto made his way to the door. The train would leave in forty five minutes and he wanted to grab some snacks for the trip. He barely had time to close and lock the door before he was tackled and fell face first to the floor.

"Bokuto!" the cheerful voice called for him.

There were only two people in the world who could jump that high. If it wasn't Hinata, it was Natsu, Hinata's younger sister.

"Natsu!" he cried in pain. "You jump as high as your brother!"

The girl sat on his shoulder blades with a gleeful smile on her face. He could never be mad at such an adorable girl. Hinata appeared from behind them.

"What? No way!" HInata protested.

"Are you okay, dumbass?" Sakusa was also there.

"Yeah, it's fine."

"Are you going to spend the weekend with us?" Natsu questioned, her voice filled with excitement.

"No, I'm going home for the weekend. Sorry about that."

"Oh? What's this? Are we mobbing Bokuto?" Atsumu questioned as he approached the group.

"Don't you dare!" Bokuto said.

Eventually, Natsu let Bokuto free. She had large puppy eyes, but not even those would stop him from his weekend with Aika. Nothing would. Atsumu whispered in her ear what Bokuto was actually up to and the girl showed a cheeky smile as she cheered him on. Atsumu and Hinata joined her. Bokuto let out an energetic cheer of his own before leaving the group behind.

At the train station, it was a cinch to spot the magenta tones of Aika's loose curls. Bokuto smiled like a fool as he rushed to her side. He planted a kiss on her temple and Aika looked up at him with her stunning smile that he so much adored. As he sat next to her on the metal bench, she greeted him.

"You are cheerful today." she said as she slid her hand into his.

"Of course. I'm just excited! Honestly, I thought it would be harder to convince you." he leaned towards her unconsciously as he spoke. "Besides, I'm always cheerful."

"That's true. At least it used to be."

A question mark grew in his face.

"For starters, you didn't yell and jump on my face when you met me at the dorms."

"I've matured, that's all! Give me some credit." he pleaded with a pout.

"Are you sure that's it?"

Bokuto blinked and his shoulders dropped. It was noticeable after all. His stare became blank with shame, there was nothing to say in his defense. Lying wasn't an option, not with Aika.

"Can we… not talk about it?" he averted his eyes. "That wasn't what this trip was about."

All of a sudden, his heart was so heavy, but he plastered on a smile when Aika agreed to not speak about it for the time being. He had no idea how his frown grew naturally on his face, or how his skin lacked the healthy shine it used to have. That wasn't the time or the moment to be pulled into his mind, with all the strength he had left, Bokuto had to brush it off. Focus on Aika. Change the subject. Anything else would be fine. Finally, something popped into his mind.

"You know, I dreamed about us going to our hometown a few nights ago! That's how I got the idea!"

His smile grew, but the shadows in his eyes didn't quite match. However, Aika went along with his words.

"You dreamt of this?" she sneered.

"Yes, Don't judge me."

"I'm not." her tone was not convincing whatsoever.

"Yes, you are! Those are your judging eyes." Bokuto narrowed his eyes towards her which made Aika laugh genuinely.

A heavenly melody.

***

A/N:

Remember how I said this would be more of a short story? Yeah, it will only have five chapters in total and I'm close to finish the writing portion. I kept the chapters short so there would be more of them and they will be as fast paced as this one. I will probably finish writing the last chapter today, or some day this week. So, somewhere next week the fic will be complete.

I hope you enjoy it still! Always feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.


	3. I’m getting really tired

As they walked across the empty land, they knew the path like the back of their hands. The earth beneath their feet was mushy and slippery, but that never stopped them from sitting by the river and talking about the sweet and sour, or embracing each other in silence. It was a place only they knew, or so they liked to believe. None of them ever took someone else to that spot or had they seen any other person. In the midst of the city, it was a quiet place. The perfect place.

It made Bokuto complete. Where did those simple days go? If he was still so young, how come age was heaving on him? He urged for something he could rely on.

There was a fallen tree in the path. They haven't said a word since they started their walk. The branches of the tree stared at Bokuto when he stepped on them. He ought to say something. Or would he wait to reach the place he had been dreaming of? By the foggy river, hidden with tree branches. Surrounded by nature calls.

Maybe in the fog, Aika wouldn't see his anxiety. Maybe with the frogs croaks and the crickets melodies, she wouldn't hear his palpitations or the trembles in his voice. The possibility crossed his mind and never left since then. There was only one way to be sure. Cut to the chase and stop to beat that stupid bush. She hadn't answered a single question of his directly. Not one. He tried to reconnect, but how was he supposed to do that when she wouldn't let him in?

"Remember the last time we were here?" Bokuto wondered.

What a fool. That was not the question he wanted to ask at all. Mentally, he punched himself so hard he got knocked out.

"The day before Nationals." Aika said. "You were amazing in that tournament. You glistened with every victory. With every point you made. Your eyes were set on winning the whole thing. Didn't matter how many times you would hurt your fingers or go into your emo mode. You wanted that trophy."

There was something he wanted even more that he didn't earn.

"You were shining," she continued. "That's what made me worry about you."

"I lost it, didn't I?"

That question was filled with regret and shame. Those were his golden years, after that, it became a blur he can't explain. The light, the joy of volleyball. Both of those were gone. Maybe he started to suck at the sport.

"Let's change the subject. That's not why I brought you here."

From there on, the path cleared towards the river. A direct road to the green waters.

"Did you find someone new?" he finally asked. It was barely a mumble, but he was sure Aika had heard him.

She didn't answer that question either. He was getting impatient. Why wouldn't she say anything? Because it was true, it was the only option.

"You moved on, huh?"

"That was the promise we made. That we would move on with our lives."

Aika walked behind him. It was better that way. She couldn't see how pathetic he was being, however she would be able to hear the disappointment in his words.

"I never thought you would get over me so quickly."

"It's been almost three years, Koutaro."

That was right. The weather changed every so often. Festivities came and went. How much time had he wasted with his thoughts? What had been those last years? There was a sudden buzz in his ear, a smog of thoughts inside his mind that blinded his path. His legs continued to walk, but not at his command. Had it truly been almost three years since he graduated high school? He halted his step by the river's edge. Just before the dirt became a little more wet. There was barely a difference in the terrain.

"Koutaro?" Aika reached for arm. "Koutaro, step back a little."

She pushed for him. They walked a few steps backwards and standed there, their breaths conjoined. He hadn't been able to glance at the girl by his side. Darkness overcame the light in his eyes as his breaths became shallow. His body was so heavy. Helpless.

"For fuck sake, Koutaro. Say something." her tone was borderline desperate.

"Sing to me."

There was no energy with that sentence. A lifeless demand. It took a while, but eventually Aika opened her lips for his favourite song. He didn't remember the name of the song or the band for that matter. Those were irrelevant. If anyone asked him, Aika wrote that song just for him.

"I wanna be your vacuum cleaner/ Breathing in your dust/ I wanna be your Ford Cortina/ I won't ever rust."

Those first verses were a sign of upcoming ecstasy for his brain. When she sang the words to the corus, his vision began to lighten again and the world around him was less blurry. It was an unexplainable phenomenon, but so were most things in life. At least, in Bokuto's life.

"I just wanna be yours."

The song ended and the crickets filled their silence. Just like he fantasized, her song pulled him out of his darkness. Her scent, her touch. Her voice. Those elements stood tall like a lighthouse that guided him out of the mist into the light.

"If you have a new boyfriend, let's talk about it." Bokuto finally said in a sigh.

"There's no point in talking about it."

He swiveled his head to Aika. Her furrowed brows told him she was serious.

"Aika… aren't we better? We were basically made for each other."

Her features soften. There was a time Aika said that to him. Her eyes were longing for Bokuto. She didn't falter, she didn't step away. She kept close to him. He was certain she still believed those words too.

"Your love was made for me." he said. One last push.

"You made your choice and I made mine. Just because you can't live with yours, doesn't mean you should blame me for living mine."

Her words cut his heart like a sword. Was that really what she believed? Would she be as arrogant as to state that their break up was something both of them agreed on?

"My choice was to not leave you. You were the one who broke up with me. It wasn't something we agreed on." Bokuto let himself be guided by his own pain.

"You were the one who said long distance relationships were too hard!"

"Because they are hard, but I never said it was impossible!" Bokuto stepped back from her. "You are doing it now with another guy, aren't you?"

"Yeah and I already cheated on him because of you." Aika pointed an accusing finger towards him.

"My fault? Are you serious?" Bokuto said in disbelief. "We were both conscious of what we were doing. None of us wanted it to stop."

"And who is to say something like that wouldn't happen if you and I were still dating?"

"You're not loyal and you are blaming it on me?"

"I'm not loyal?" Aika's voice raised above the nature around them. "Fuck you. Never once even thought about cheating on you. Not once."

"You just said it was a possibility!"

"I also said I would never!"

"Then what is this about?" Bokuto was losing his cool.

"Fuck this. Fuck you. This shouldn't have happened."

Aika started to make her way back to the city.

"Where are you going?"

"Fuck off!"

And Bokuto found himself alone in the perfect place he held so dear. He gritted his teeth to suppress his emotions, but a cry of madness escaped his lips despite his best efforts. No one would listen, so he didn't care. He kicked a rock to the river and shouted some blasphemies. None of that made it better. No matter how loud he yelled, Aika didn't come back. It was over before it even started.

***

Bokuto let his eyelids close for just one minute. That had to be the most boring lecture he had ever witnessed. In a packed amphitheatre, only the students in the front would listen and ask relevant questions. The comfort of the back, the high seats were for the laid-back students that didn't like to participate or wanted to focus on another class work. Or, like Bokuto, were dozing off and recharging for the rest of the day. Not ideal, but it was manageable.

When the door opened, the light from outside made Bokuto inch away in his chair and grunt silently. He recognized the blond hair that climbed the large steps. Without another word, Atsumu swinged his backpack to the table and sat on the seat next to Bokuto's.

"What did I miss?" Atsumu questioned.

"Absolutely nothing." Bokuto answered with a deep, slumbered voice.

"That bad, huh?"

Promptly, the blond unzipped his bag, but instead of unpacking his class material, he pulled out a single pack of noodles and a petite square of seasoning. Bokuto lifted one brow to his friend's actions as he pursued to open the noodle bag and pour the seasoning. In the idle conversations and whispers around them, the lecturer didn't notice Atsumu as he crushed and crumbled the plastic noodle bag. He shook it as a last touch and opened it again. The crumbs fell on the palm of his hand before he mouthed them.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bokuto finally asked.

He tried hard not to laugh at what he was seeing.

"It's lunch." Atsumu replied unbothered. Then continued normally, like he wasn't eating noodle crumbs with season. "You haven't told me how your date went." he gave Bokuto a side glance.

The man fixated on the pen in his hand. It wasn't his best moment and totally different from how it went in his dream.

"So?"

"It was shit." Bokuto's voice strangled with the heartbreak. "I wanted to go to our favourite spot when we were younger. Thought that would spark some nice memories. Instead, we started arguing out of nowhere and she left without me. She preferred to go back on foot than to wait for me to give her a ride." disbelief carried those words. "How stupid am I, huh?"

"It happens, it's not a big deal." Atsumu shrugged and he mouthed another hand-full of crumbs.

That was the problem. It was a big deal for Bokuto. The only source of light in all his darkness. He missed the times things were simple. When her voice gave him butterflies in his stomach and her sight was enough to make him smile. Instead, hate spitted at each other's mouths, but he still wanted to sleep with her like they were lovers.

"I tried so hard to make it work and then… apparently I blew it." Bokuto said. "I'm getting really tired of being good to people."

His face etched with sorrow, he didn't dare to glimpse towards Atsumu. It was so hard to shake it all away. There was no stopping the helplessness that sinked in him.

"Well, then don't be good to people you don't like."

"That's the thing. I'm getting tired of being good to the ones I do love." Bokuto saliented on the last two words. It didn't make sense, but it was the truth.

A moment of silence fell between them. Atsumu glanced at his destroyed friend, unsure of what to say.

"That's heavy shit…" he concluded. "Maybe you're just hungry. Here, want some noodles?"

Bokuto sighed.

"Sure."

He extended his cupped palm to Atsumu to fill with crumbs. Bokuto imitated his friend's gesture, but as soon as he did, the sensory overload from the salt and spice made his eyes tear up. He reached for his water bottle in an emergency as he questioned in his mind how Atsumu ate that like it was nothing.

***

A/N:

Please tell me everyone had/has that class in college where they could just sit far in the back and relax, eat something and doze off for a while without worrying. Let me tell you, those classes were the backbone of my survival in college. Plus the coffee. And there would be people eating all kinds of weird stuff, sometimes the smell was intense, especially in small classrooms with barely any air coming in and out.

If you are wondering or didn't recognize the song, what Aika sang to Bokuto was "I Wanna Be Yours" by Arctic Monkeys. One of my favourite songs by my favourite band of all time. AM is definetly one of my confort albums.

One more thing before I go, in the last chapter I said the fic would probably end this week, because I would finish writing it that day. Coff, coff. I was up to four am on discord with my friends and wrote absolutely nothing. However, tommorrow I'll publish a new chapter, so you can look forward to that. After this, I will try to finish the last chapter, so wish me luck!


	4. Throat to all his delusions

The sky was a dark tone of grey that day. It was the same sky as the last he catched that same train to the same city. Not everything was the same despite that. Aika wasn't there and the urge to stay home without the return for one more semester. Like the water that imbued the clouds, Bokuto's numbness filled him to the brim. He tried his best not to get impatient, but at that point only the familiarity to his hometown and the comfort of his lonely room would make him feel something other than the utter vast nothing. Those were the only things that brought him peace. The only things that didn't overwhelm him to the point of burst. Maybe he wouldn't return next semester. What was the worst thing that could happen if he cancelled those plans and froze his curriculum until the following year?

Bokuto covered his face with one hand. Christmas songs blasted from the speakers at the station and drove him insane. There was an acceptable reason he hated festivities. He grew tired of the same five songs quickly. By Christmas week, those songs ticked every nerve he had.

He shoved his hand into the parka pocket in search of his earbuds. Anything else would be better than to listen to that. However, before he had the time to untangle the string, someone called his name. He recognized that voice way too well. He frowned at Aika, even if she showed a close-lipped smile. They haven't talked since their argument. None of them bothered to text each other. The exams kept him busy from her face.

Once again, they were fated to journey back to that pathway together.

"Why the long face? It 's Christmas!" Aika gave him a mock push. "Are you celebrating with your family?"

"Yeah, like always."

The effort to put some energy into that sentence made him cringe.

"I can't believe I have to put up with my father. Hopefully, he left already."

"Wouldn't your mother have told you if so happened?" Bokuto gave her a side glance.

"You're right. But it would be a nice Christmas gift. The only one I need, to be honest."

"I wished for passing grades."

Bokuto gave up on the string and pocketed the earphones again. Obviously, he wouldn't have the chance to put them on.

"I don't need to do that. Pretty sure I did good."

"Always the confident one."

"Of course." Aika smiled. "You are too, just not in your academics."

Right. He used to have that confident light as well. Some dared to accuse him of as much arrogance as Aika. It wasn't his fault he was a strong ace. It wasn't his fault when he chose the darkness either.

Soon enough, the train arrived. Midway to their destination, snow fell on the train windows. Bokuto took a picture and filmed to show Aika what she lost while she slept on his shoulder. He could already imagine her shrieks when she was to ask why he didn't wake her up. It was her fault, for the way she looked so peaceful and delighted while she slept.

How was it that he became so defenseless when it came to Aika? There was always a way to let her in. He wasn't even upset about the argument, even though she didn't apologize. That matter never rose again. He would die if he didn't try and damned if anyone was to ask why. As he glanced down on the sleeping Aika, everything became more real. Having her by his side was right. He never knew love besides Aika. No one else was able to grant him the same feeling. All the time she wanted him to take away her breath. Nothing sweeter than their kisses. There was nothing common about them.

All her flaws and imperfections, those were what made Bokuto love Aika even more. Their spiritual connection was a stunning sight only shared by the two of them. In the sordid world they live in, where nothing was ever enough, where everything was grim and love was mistaken by lust everyday, Bokuto only had to hold her in his arms. He wanted her love. Trust was what they needed. Their eyes still met and they lingered for each other's touch. When Bokuto slid his hand into hers, they still fitted. Two hands digged on each other's wounds. He was spiraling out of the reality that did him so much harm and found something he relied on within Aika.

Ever since he laid his eyes on her, that Aika was no longer a mutual, but the throat to all his delusions.

***

The sunsets were longer where they were from, but only during the hot seasons. The place where dreams went to die while they had fun. Boys fixed their cars and girls ate it up..

They walked together in streets filled with history, after he had lunch with his family and ate his mother's food again. He was no longer considering the people he had left and the people he kept. Such a place does exist and if it does, he should never leave. He found the nostalgia and chased it with light, it was better than dwelling while chasing times that he couldn't rewind. Those were lost memories he would never grab a hold of ever again. But the suburbia in Tokyo was a place he would always call home and come back to. A place he didn't have to let go of.

Maybe it was because it was Christmas or because classes were over. Whatever the reason may have been, for Bokuto it was like things didn't change at all since his golden days.

The following day, they drove around town and stopped right before the path to their favourite spot. A charming balad played on the stereo, so Aika blew the speakers up and jumped off the car. The empty road was filled with snow and the slow paced song. Bokuto hunched his shoulders as he got off the car, immediately shoved his gloved hands on the pockets of his jeans. The car door was left open when Aika's greedy hands grabbed a hold of him. She pressed her chest against his and pecked his lips.

"Dance with me." Aika's silvery voice was demanding while she showed the loveliest smile.

Bokuto's heart was beating out of his chest. His features lifted in a loving smile and a flush burned his cheeks. How was he to say no?

While they twirled around in the snow in each other's arms and snuggled on each other's necks, Bokuto still had his doubts. The words he wanted Aika to say to him. Just so the voices in his head would shut up and he could lose himself in the moment.

"Do you still want to move on from us?"

The question was sudden, the surprise was clear in Aika's features, but then the surprise melted away to a blissful expression.

"Bokuto, you have the purest heart I have ever known and the beauty of the bluest ocean. Our love is undeniable. Unforgettable."

The heat rose to his cheeks but no words to respond came to him. If he was to have a stroke in that same minute, he would've died happily. Aika laughed at how flustered her words had left him. However, she wasn't yet satisfied as she lifted her weight on her tiptoes while she pressed her palms on his chest. That kiss was warm and passionate. Slow and drawn out. Bokuto pulled her body even closer to his when one of her hands raised to his hair.

The snow fell all the way to New Year's Eve. Bokuto took her everywhere and kissed on top of every wall and on every fence as they held each other tight. At midnight, they cracked fireworks on their favourite spot by the foggy river. Bokuto had never seen her face more alluring than when she was by his side, her features enlightened by the crackling sticks and love in her eyes. Those eyes were just for him. When she laughed at his jokes. Those melodic giggles were just for him. Her greedy hands. Those touched only him.

Nothing would ever replace those days. That week Bokuto spent pure bliss with Aika, in the town they shared their childhood and teenage years. Finally, Bokuto had a reason to smile again, however, he was no less tired than before.

***

A/N:

Delievered as promised. And I also finished the last chapter yesterday. Look at me, doing something with my free time.

I like to leave the chapters "rest" for a while before I post them, so you can expect the final chapter next monday. See ya then!


	5. Tell me something I can feel

Bokuto wished he could rewind those last two weeks. If he could relive them on repeat forever, he would. Aika by his side and his mother cooked actual meals instead of instant noodles. He even missed his dear sisters. Christmas music no longer was on the radio as slowly the society recovered from the slump of that last week of the year. In just two days, Bokuto had to travel back to campus for one last semester.

He spent the night at Aika's house. Her room was exactly the same as three years ago. Not as organized while on vacation, especially when Bokuto was around to mess with her and touch every last item in her room only to leave them out of place.

Her bed was way too comfortable and warm to leave behind and bigger than his own bed as well. The following day was to prepare the trip back to campus, for that reason, Bokuto convinced Aika to spend the morning, the afternoon and the night on that same bed.

"Koutaro, I need to go to the bathroom." Aika mumbled.

"Okay, don't take too long, pudding."

Bokuto released the woman from his embrace. She shifted under the covers and finally lifted her torso from the mattress.

"I'm beat." she said. "It's your fault and your little short cut."

"You wanted me to lead. So I did."

"I expected you to stay on the path."

"Just hurry up and come back already." Bokuto pleaded.

The previous afternoon, Bokuto wanted to flee back to their happy place, probably their last chance for a while. He got lost on the way back, but he swore he could take a shorter path back to the road.

A short obnoxiously loud sound filled the room and made Bokuto snap his eyes open. He revolved inside the sheets as he searched for the source. The first phone he grabbed happened to be Aika's. The screen was still bright and his eyes scanned the notification just before the screen turned black. He wished he hadn't. He wanted to believe his eyes were tricking him. He had to be sure.

He pressed the middle button and the screen lightened up again. The message was from "Babe" and a couple hearts followed that nickname. There was no way to contain his following actions. He hoped her password was still the same. He was lucky Aika was the kind of person to have her own birthday as her pass. His finger loomed over the notification before he tapped it. She would be back at any moment. It was too late to stop.

His heart slowed down, it made Bokuto believe it had stopped completely. His chest was heavy all of a sudden, while he scrolled upwards and read all the intimate and lovable messages Aika exchanged with someone who was not him. He never asked, because he didn't have a reason to. It was so obvious to him, an unquestionable matter. That if Aika was with him, she ought to break up with the other guy. For what it looked like, she never did.

Common love was never for them, but that was beyond their limits.

When steps got closer to the closed bedroom door, Bokuto shoved the phone back to the sheets and pretended that the cold case wasn't clinging to his leg. Back against the mattress, he waited for Aika to come back, his eyes glued to the white ceiling.

The door opened slightly and closed a second later. After a few hops, Aika was next to him again and snuggled against his chest.

"Aika," Bokuto called. "Tell me something I can feel."

Her gaze browsed his face. Without a word, Aika locked his torso between her legs and sat on his stomach.

"I wanna be your vacuum cleaner/ Breathing in your dust,"

She sang the lyrics to Bokuto's favourite song. Somehow, not even those melodic words made his heart any lighter.

He could never get enough of her voice, he would carve her words into his skin. But anytime she looked for danger, Bokuto was the one in pain. If he confronted her, would she tell him to stay? Or should he just leave her? He tried his best to ignore the things Aika wrote to the other man just the previous night, while she was with him. Bokuto didn't want another life, because lying next to her filled him with adrenaline. What else could he want? He followed her song, her voice.

Bokuto kept going back to the same road of pain and mistakes. He concluded that he should've gone home about two minutes before Aika sat on him and started to sing and to kiss his neck.

At that point, what other choice did he have? He was never one to resist her anyways.

***

A/N:

I feel so bad for Bokuto. I literally made myself feel sad, wtf.

This is the end of this fic, I hope you liked it, even though it's sad as hell. What will become of their relationship in the future? Well, I will let you interpret that for yourself. If you want to share your theories or speculations in the comments, feel free to do so! I always love to read those.

One day I might write a happy Bokuto fic just so I can make it up to him.


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